Reality bytes

I have emerged from hibernation, with a topic of truly "epic" proportions to literally "crap" upon. I'm not sure how much more crap one can add to this colossal masterpiece better known to television viewers as "Rakhi ki Swayamvar". Finally, a reason to truly understand why on earth the television was termed as the "Idiot box", whoever termed it was either a great visionary of freaking Nostardamus.

The hype has been on for a few months. This morning as I looked at the newspaper, behold, I saw a nauseating image of an advertisement for the "Final countdown". Well, I decided that I would attempt to sit through the final show in order to atleast do this piece. So at around 2200 hrs, Sunday, the 2nd day of August, 2009 (just to give a dramatic effect to the line, you see, viewers never have a problem with the dramatization even when the anchor, kept repeating "Waqt aa gaya hai" or "Poora Hindustan dekh raha hai" a gazillion times) I switched on the television to commercials punctuated with crap.

The show began with what I believe was a routine of each of the bakra's "dancing" out with their respective families (hence forth the finalists are referred to as "bakra/one of the bakras - generalization as I dont know their names and dont consider it worthwhile finding out either) to various tunes that have been savoured at weddings. I wonder which among these classified the degree(s) of stupidity each of the bakras and their relations must have felt among - "stupid", "really, stupid", "why do even ask?", "fuh-get it" while doing the routine live on so called national television.

The reason for referring to the "bakras" is that I had a theory that the entire show would culminate in someone of the class of Cyrus Broacha running out shouting "BAKRAAAAA". Unfortunately, I was denied the joy of witnessing that; but that wasnt entirely true. Why though? Well, over 20,000 bakras "applied"; they had a "procedure" to choose participants, and thousands of fools (including me, well it may have been for the purpose of penning this down, yet I too succumbed) watched the show, much like George Bernard Shaw's rendition on cricket.

At the end of it all, I have to admire Rakhi Sawant, whether it is for sheer brilliance in tapping the bakra market of its value or her brashness, uncoothness and 'come what may, I will crap on you' attitude.

Fornt & Bcak, Puls & Munis

The sound of the waves fill my ears. I feel like I am living in a shell, literally. The sound is so loud, yet so soothing. The lashing water washes my feet and recedes, only to return to me, apparently. I sometimes wonder if the waves are coming back to me or I am being drawn further into the sea with each wave...

The screaming is resounding. I can feel the sound of the screaming resonating all over my body, giving me goose pimples. The fear in that scream inflicts me, gets my adrenalin pumping. I want to help, but my legs wont carry me any further than they already have...

The water revives me, relentlessly almost, as if that were the only reason for the waves. Oh, how self centric and myopic a thought that is. A sea that engulfs a large area on this planet, being present for the purpose of minuscule component in the universe. A dot is part of the circle, but doesn't form the circle itself. Mathematically, the circle can be divided into infinite points....

My legs feel no more because I am comfortably numb, yet my brain seems to be urging me to move. It seems almost physically impossible, yet the power of my mind pulls me along in the direction of the screaming. It seems like I am heading into a bottomless bog, yet, the eventuality....

The beauty that she is. I can see her basking in the sun, waiting for me to set my hands upon her, to feel us together. I'm sure that its not just me who feels this togetherness, she does too.

I pulled myself together, slapped myself to get me to my senses. Maniacal, hysterical laughter, so sadistic that it nauseated me, was reverberating my eardrums. I had to get the sound out of my head. It was killing me...

Mute. Silence, nothing but the waves, her and me. Where was the screaming, was I hallucinating? I was sure I felt weak kneed only a few moments ago, and yet, now there was the unbound energy in me that spurred me on towards her. Was I insane?

The screaming seemed to have abated, and had gone all dark now. It came from behind me, the screeching noise made the hair on the back of my neck raise. Although the scream outside of me had stopped, the noises in my head hadn't. I shut my ears in an effort to stop it, but it only got louder.

The energy in me was driving me to her. I must have walked kilometers, and yet was not tiring, I had to get to her. I broke into a run...

Beads of perspiration appeared on my forehead. I wanted to run but all I could do was beat about like a flightless bird. The tension was building up in my blood vessels and I could feel my pulse skyrocket. Something had to break now, to give way, its simple physics after all. I felt split across places, may be parallel universes are true.

Beep beep. Beep beep. Beep beep. Beep beep. Beep beep.

Who is that abusing me?

Its time. I woke up in bed, sweating profusely. I sat desolated, torn between my dreams and my worst nightmares, forsaking the present that I had....

This is T20??

Overdose of cricket. Well, for most of us Indians, there is almost no saturation point. The cricket season ahead is going to mean some tough times especially for the families, the fights over the remote are going to get tougher, probably tougher than that on the field or the relentless saas-bahu, loads of BS serials.

The ICC have started their marketing campaign for the ICC T20 World Cup scheduled in June, this year. Check this advertisement for the event...



I have just 2 things to say after watching this ad...
Bhajji, don't get ideas.
Symmo, don't take it personally!

Target Locked, Fire at will!

My latest status message on gtalk reads "Wearing shoes is passe', the fad now is to aim and throw!". Very apt in the new development.
The trend setter of course was Muntazer who belted one out at Bush (Lets not get into the right and wrong of that), and that has been followed up by lots of people in India. Election time can be hard for both people and politicians. The Indian list seems to be growing by the day, first Chidambaram, Advani, even the great sardar, Manmohan Singh and very recently, Karnataka's very own Yeddy.

So what is with the shoe show? There are several theories. Let me put forward some of them.

The most obvious theory is one put forward by one of the "social scientists". First Muntazer throws a shoe at George Bush. That becomes a sign of revolt against oppression, and spreads like a good virus (just trying to be nice to the virus with that oxymoron, in the times of the swine!) across the globe creating more Muntazer's out of seeming normal and socially modest people. Well, this is the theory most would agree with.

Would our politicians like that? Are you kidding? Being painted with the same brush as George Bush, no ways!

The Indian Political Analyst and Politician theory would go like this. Each of the political parties would call it sabotage of image (Image, isnt that virtual?) by the opposing party. The only flaw in the "opposing party" theory is that no one really knows the meaning, not even the top brass politicians. Few decades ago there wasnt any opposition, few years ago it was only 2 main parties. But now its like a plethora of options for the Indian electorate. See the effect of capitalism, people have options like never before; the only problem being the options are like going to Big Bazaar during a "sale" - the only items on the sale are not worth it!
Anyway, getting back to the point, the trend of throwing shoes can be included under categories of political rhetoric such as - political vendetta, sabotage, bullshit and more bullshit.

The final theory on the trajectory of the shoe, is something I believe was created from the bowels of the Communist camp. Its simple economics - Supply meets demand. Sales and Marketing. Most people dont see the difference in the two. Marketing is the process of creating the demand and sales is to supply that demand. The communist theory is fairly simple. The whole affair of throwing shoes is actually a corrupt nexus between corporates and goons. They would say that historically corporates and goons are so associated and have got their noses up each others backsides that you dont know where one ends and the other begins! Whats the nexus doing now? In the age of recession, people are not buying shoes. So create a demand by setting up a market for throwing shoes. The next step is to supply that market. And voila, there is the profit. The CEO's of the leather industry are possibly being payed million dollar profits because of our beloved politicians.

After the last theory, I really want to find my old pair of sneakers.

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Portal for Public Grievance

Been bugged by the road between the incessant potholes? Or the road being dug up every alternate week for god alone knows what reason? Or some crappy system at your Regional Transport Office?

Well, there may be some light at the end of the tunnel and this time its not the light of the train that's going to run you over.

There is a new public grievance system portal launched by the Government of India. Access this here. There are several categories under which one can raise a complaint request viz. Railways, Postal system, Petroleum (remember adulteration), Shipping, Civil Aviation, Road Transport and Highways etc.

So the next time you want to crib about crap all around, you don't have to search for a government office to file a complaint that might get lost in the bowels of paperwork. All you need is a net connection, a seat to park your bottom and voila!, you're all ready to crib!

IT penetration in India may be less than 1%, yet this is the start of things to follow in our country. A greater degree of public participation in Government, democracy for real. Could I be more optimistic?

Imagining India

Imagining India, the book I've been reading for over 2 months now and finally complete. It is by far the best read I've had in recent times. I must say, Hats off to Nandan Nilekani for his effort. It is one book that can give you this feeling of severe optimism (if you want to see it), so much so that you might feel a case of overdose (even the severe pessimist). Yet, the finish of the book touches base with reality, and leaves you looking at the enormity of the opportunity that India faces entwined in the greatest challenge, any nation has ever faced hitherto. Nandan has described with great passion the abilities of us as people of this nation. The passion is like a fever that can spread.

This blog is not a raving review of the book. Neither am I competent enough for that, nor are words enough to describe the ideas covered in this book. Yet I write this for various reasons.

Last week, I met a person at a congregation while I was in Mumbai. Both of us, understanding we had quite some time to kill, struck up a conversation. The conversation started off with something related to the congregation and (75% of all impromptu conversation in India end up with politics. Also 65.45% of all statistics are made up on the fly) went on discuss about India, development, chanllenges (problems, its a matter of perception). The person I am referring to was from another southern state and he went on rampage on corruption and how things can never change in India. If not for the fact that I had known this person for only a few minutes, I would have fired him for all his non-belief and negativity (People who know me vaguely well would agree on that).

Let me tell you this story I read on the internet a while back. Hiware Bazar, a small dot on the map of India, 300Km east of Mumbai was virtual desert until a few years ago. This is no longer the case. The village is now green and farming is so profitable that 25% of the villagers are millionares (Ambani's watch out!). The village has a Panchayat system and in the last 25 years has used the government funds towards irrigation, education and healthcare. Micromanagement in other words has transformed the sahara to shangri la. The funda is simple, the local panchayat is strengthened and people are actually involved in decision making. The people here no longer care about who is at the helm, something that the government is taking note of. They wish to replicate the governance in other villages. The reason for change is Popat Rao Pawar, a cricketer who gave up his career and has been leading the turn around. He has become the Tendulkar as far as Hiware Bazar is concerned. Cheers to him!

From Hiware Bazar to Sonagachi, West Bengal. For the benefit of those unfamiliar with Sonagachi is the largest Red Light area in Kolkatta with over 10,000 sex workers. In the communist state, the mantris are missing (I cant help take a swipe at the farcical communists we have). Through an NGO, the sex workers have set up a school and training centre in a small village called Amlasole, home to over 300 tribals. After being driven out of the forests on the pretext of being supply agents of ammunition for the naxalites, the sex workers have literally rescued the village. They contribute over Rs.10,000 every month for this cause.

Next stop, Ayodhya - the land of Ram. Raj Sharan Sharma, a school drop out surfs the net for the latest technological developments in agriculture. From the Jai Shri Ram to click of a mouse, technology has been a great leveller here. Using information from the net, farmers have helped improve their agriculture and hence their profits. With the help of organic manure, hybrid seeds take home income for the farmers has grown from Rs.10,000 to a crore per annum over the last decade. The eight lane highway is being built alongside this village and this surely must lead to prosperity by taking their produce to the market.

Imagining India is about all this and much more, a must read for all. Change happening through innovation and ideas at grassroot levels, technology, passion and above all belief in the future of possibilities. It pains me when I hear all the disbelief around. Worse, the dagger of guilt swivels in my intestine when I read such stories of sacrifice happening all around. Change in India is like a snowball, it takes its time before becoming an avalanche. I do not deny that it will require enormous effort for transformation of India, yet optimism and belief killed no one....