A few days earlier I received this e-mail on 5 management principles. This is a list of those five principles and a little more. Throw in some imagination, if Vadivel (the Tamil comedian) were to be a management guru, what would he think of these principles....
1. Keep in mind that business without risk is business without growth
Vadi Version: One of the many pre-requisites to be in management (applicable to over 99%ile of those in management) is the lack of a mind, hence linear thinking, in fact lack of any sort of thinking. Hence as a manager, you don’t keep things in mind (That’s what post its and secretaries are for). As a manager, unless you are beyond the normal realms of stupidity, you are completely risk free. For any of the managers in the 99%ile, growth would happen in any case because of their excellent skills at delegation of work and the art of taking credit. As a conclusion, screw the risk, growth; just evolve to higher levels of “weasality”.
2. Work with the facts. Listen to the market and not your ego.
Vadi Version: Ever heard a teacher use the line “This place is a fish market” to silence a noisy class? If you haven’t, then you definitely have not been my classmate. The fundamental feature of any market is noise, chaos. Never take an idea from the market. One, it could be a psychotic maniac shouting random words that sound great. Secondly, it means that the idea is already out there, so it’s not virgin.
3. Act quickly and decisively. Delay makes things worse, not better.
Vadi Version: Never take a decision. Taking a decision would mean “doing something”. As a manager, decisions should be taken by those delegated menials below you, so much so that, the only thing you “do” is “nothing”.
4. Be a proactive leader and clearly communicate your decisions
Vadi version: Thoughts and actual actions are always to be inverted. Hence, a manager should be proactive, and capable of making decisions. If this were a thought, I leave the actions to the reader. Considering that you have read point 3, there cannot be a faux pas as taking a decision would be doing something. Always leave decisions and bad outcomes to people in line and probability, credit for success is always there.
5. Be resilient and continue to innovate. Success is not forever, neither is failure.
Vadi Version: Too true, for a change I almost completely agree with that statement. Resilience as a manager is an important facet. Hypothetical situation, leading a team of over a 100 people is not a joke (though in some cases, the one leading the team could be a joke). The problem with management is that irrespective the quality and quantity of resources provided, as a manager, you are expected to “deliver results”. That’s not the only unfortunate part; the definition of “results” like all scope definitions from senior management is arbitrary and vague. Also, innovations have to be centric to delivering these “results” as that is what the senior most management expects. The last part of any strategy is the outcome. What is it about these management strategies that make them so interesting? How often they work? Well, the question could be rephrased as how often they don’t work. Either ways the answer is about half the time.
To summarize on all management ideas that existed, exist or will come into existence, management gyan is generally arbitrary with massive generalities.
