Vadi the Management Gyan-Guru

Disclaimer: Any resemblance to real life characters is purely co-incidental.

A few days earlier I received this e-mail on 5 management principles. This is a list of those five principles and a little more. Throw in some imagination, if Vadivel (the Tamil comedian) were to be a management guru, what would he think of these principles....

1. Keep in mind that business without risk is business without growth
Vadi Version: One of the many pre-requisites to be in management (applicable to over 99%ile of those in management) is the lack of a mind, hence linear thinking, in fact lack of any sort of thinking. Hence as a manager, you don’t keep things in mind (That’s what post its and secretaries are for). As a manager, unless you are beyond the normal realms of stupidity, you are completely risk free. For any of the managers in the 99%ile, growth would happen in any case because of their excellent skills at delegation of work and the art of taking credit. As a conclusion, screw the risk, growth; just evolve to higher levels of “weasality”.

2. Work with the facts. Listen to the market and not your ego.
Vadi Version: Ever heard a teacher use the line “This place is a fish market” to silence a noisy class? If you haven’t, then you definitely have not been my classmate. The fundamental feature of any market is noise, chaos. Never take an idea from the market. One, it could be a psychotic maniac shouting random words that sound great. Secondly, it means that the idea is already out there, so it’s not virgin.

3. Act quickly and decisively. Delay makes things worse, not better.
Vadi Version: Never take a decision. Taking a decision would mean “doing something”. As a manager, decisions should be taken by those delegated menials below you, so much so that, the only thing you “do” is “nothing”.

4. Be a proactive leader and clearly communicate your decisions
Vadi version: Thoughts and actual actions are always to be inverted. Hence, a manager should be proactive, and capable of making decisions. If this were a thought, I leave the actions to the reader. Considering that you have read point 3, there cannot be a faux pas as taking a decision would be doing something. Always leave decisions and bad outcomes to people in line and probability, credit for success is always there.

5. Be resilient and continue to innovate. Success is not forever, neither is failure.
Vadi Version: Too true, for a change I almost completely agree with that statement. Resilience as a manager is an important facet. Hypothetical situation, leading a team of over a 100 people is not a joke (though in some cases, the one leading the team could be a joke). The problem with management is that irrespective the quality and quantity of resources provided, as a manager, you are expected to “deliver results”. That’s not the only unfortunate part; the definition of “results” like all scope definitions from senior management is arbitrary and vague. Also, innovations have to be centric to delivering these “results” as that is what the senior most management expects. The last part of any strategy is the outcome. What is it about these management strategies that make them so interesting? How often they work? Well, the question could be rephrased as how often they don’t work. Either ways the answer is about half the time.

To summarize on all management ideas that existed, exist or will come into existence, management gyan is generally arbitrary with massive generalities.

Kantha-saw-me

The title of this post has a double intent - one, the more obvious meaning implying that I watched the movie Kanthasamy and secondly that I literally felt a chain saw on me as I sat through the movie. I generally would not try explaining stuff i write, but this for the benefit of those incapable of reading between lines.

Let me try to list 5 good reasons as to why you SHOULD watch this movie.
1. You and your girl/boy friend are heading for a break-up. Watch this movie together and the break up wont seem all that bad.

2. Suppose you are extremely happy with the way your life is headed, you have no regrets, no sorrows, so much so that you are a non believer of Murphy's laws; then you need to watch this movie to remind you that life is not all happiness, but a some sorrow as well.

3. If you are a pitiful fool, at the end of your rope and need that last jerk to take you off this mundane lifeform, watch this, it might just do that.

4. Shriya, please see that this is the 4th reason.

5. I cannot try another reason, it isnt worth even free tickets, hence the reason why Shriya was bumped up to level 4 from 5.

The irony of watching the movie is the hype before the release. This has probably been the most "talked of" movie in Tamil cinema since Sivaji and Dasavatharam. Some claimed it as the mix of Sivaji and Anniyan (both being films by Shankar). If there was one thing in common between Sivaji and Anniyan, it was a storyline and a plot mixed with some masala for the masses. But Kanthasamy is different from the other two movies in the fact that it has no plot. You spend your time in the movie trying to figure what the plot is, if any. At the end of one half, most people are completely dejected and few steps away from insanity.

A few stupidly optimistic people look at a twist in the tale post interval. But you can wait for all you want and you will fail to find the faintest trace of anything remotely close to a storyline. With all due respect to the idea of flying across water with the aid of mechanical leash, what did you think that the leash is invisible?

Ok, so no story line. A lot of movies have been awesome despite that. This too might have been had it not been so ridiculous. You have a story every 15 minutes and may sit in the belief that they all culminate in a super plot. No! They culminate in statistics of black money (deja vu, Sivaji) making it seem like a documentary.

The other reason apart from the great story line that was the reason for the success of Sivaji, Anniyan etc was the music. Here, the music is what truly kills the movie. Apart from the amoebic story line, the music and additional cast is a pain in the wrong part of the anatomy. The movie might probably have been bearable if not for the music and obscene timing of songs.

This movie is like ordering a plate of biryani and hundred different varities of raita to go with. You end up enjoying neither and an overdose of both. If I had to give this movie a star rating, I'd give it one star and an egg.

Reality bytes

I have emerged from hibernation, with a topic of truly "epic" proportions to literally "crap" upon. I'm not sure how much more crap one can add to this colossal masterpiece better known to television viewers as "Rakhi ki Swayamvar". Finally, a reason to truly understand why on earth the television was termed as the "Idiot box", whoever termed it was either a great visionary of freaking Nostardamus.

The hype has been on for a few months. This morning as I looked at the newspaper, behold, I saw a nauseating image of an advertisement for the "Final countdown". Well, I decided that I would attempt to sit through the final show in order to atleast do this piece. So at around 2200 hrs, Sunday, the 2nd day of August, 2009 (just to give a dramatic effect to the line, you see, viewers never have a problem with the dramatization even when the anchor, kept repeating "Waqt aa gaya hai" or "Poora Hindustan dekh raha hai" a gazillion times) I switched on the television to commercials punctuated with crap.

The show began with what I believe was a routine of each of the bakra's "dancing" out with their respective families (hence forth the finalists are referred to as "bakra/one of the bakras - generalization as I dont know their names and dont consider it worthwhile finding out either) to various tunes that have been savoured at weddings. I wonder which among these classified the degree(s) of stupidity each of the bakras and their relations must have felt among - "stupid", "really, stupid", "why do even ask?", "fuh-get it" while doing the routine live on so called national television.

The reason for referring to the "bakras" is that I had a theory that the entire show would culminate in someone of the class of Cyrus Broacha running out shouting "BAKRAAAAA". Unfortunately, I was denied the joy of witnessing that; but that wasnt entirely true. Why though? Well, over 20,000 bakras "applied"; they had a "procedure" to choose participants, and thousands of fools (including me, well it may have been for the purpose of penning this down, yet I too succumbed) watched the show, much like George Bernard Shaw's rendition on cricket.

At the end of it all, I have to admire Rakhi Sawant, whether it is for sheer brilliance in tapping the bakra market of its value or her brashness, uncoothness and 'come what may, I will crap on you' attitude.

Fornt & Bcak, Puls & Munis

The sound of the waves fill my ears. I feel like I am living in a shell, literally. The sound is so loud, yet so soothing. The lashing water washes my feet and recedes, only to return to me, apparently. I sometimes wonder if the waves are coming back to me or I am being drawn further into the sea with each wave...

The screaming is resounding. I can feel the sound of the screaming resonating all over my body, giving me goose pimples. The fear in that scream inflicts me, gets my adrenalin pumping. I want to help, but my legs wont carry me any further than they already have...

The water revives me, relentlessly almost, as if that were the only reason for the waves. Oh, how self centric and myopic a thought that is. A sea that engulfs a large area on this planet, being present for the purpose of minuscule component in the universe. A dot is part of the circle, but doesn't form the circle itself. Mathematically, the circle can be divided into infinite points....

My legs feel no more because I am comfortably numb, yet my brain seems to be urging me to move. It seems almost physically impossible, yet the power of my mind pulls me along in the direction of the screaming. It seems like I am heading into a bottomless bog, yet, the eventuality....

The beauty that she is. I can see her basking in the sun, waiting for me to set my hands upon her, to feel us together. I'm sure that its not just me who feels this togetherness, she does too.

I pulled myself together, slapped myself to get me to my senses. Maniacal, hysterical laughter, so sadistic that it nauseated me, was reverberating my eardrums. I had to get the sound out of my head. It was killing me...

Mute. Silence, nothing but the waves, her and me. Where was the screaming, was I hallucinating? I was sure I felt weak kneed only a few moments ago, and yet, now there was the unbound energy in me that spurred me on towards her. Was I insane?

The screaming seemed to have abated, and had gone all dark now. It came from behind me, the screeching noise made the hair on the back of my neck raise. Although the scream outside of me had stopped, the noises in my head hadn't. I shut my ears in an effort to stop it, but it only got louder.

The energy in me was driving me to her. I must have walked kilometers, and yet was not tiring, I had to get to her. I broke into a run...

Beads of perspiration appeared on my forehead. I wanted to run but all I could do was beat about like a flightless bird. The tension was building up in my blood vessels and I could feel my pulse skyrocket. Something had to break now, to give way, its simple physics after all. I felt split across places, may be parallel universes are true.

Beep beep. Beep beep. Beep beep. Beep beep. Beep beep.

Who is that abusing me?

Its time. I woke up in bed, sweating profusely. I sat desolated, torn between my dreams and my worst nightmares, forsaking the present that I had....

This is T20??

Overdose of cricket. Well, for most of us Indians, there is almost no saturation point. The cricket season ahead is going to mean some tough times especially for the families, the fights over the remote are going to get tougher, probably tougher than that on the field or the relentless saas-bahu, loads of BS serials.

The ICC have started their marketing campaign for the ICC T20 World Cup scheduled in June, this year. Check this advertisement for the event...



I have just 2 things to say after watching this ad...
Bhajji, don't get ideas.
Symmo, don't take it personally!

Target Locked, Fire at will!

My latest status message on gtalk reads "Wearing shoes is passe', the fad now is to aim and throw!". Very apt in the new development.
The trend setter of course was Muntazer who belted one out at Bush (Lets not get into the right and wrong of that), and that has been followed up by lots of people in India. Election time can be hard for both people and politicians. The Indian list seems to be growing by the day, first Chidambaram, Advani, even the great sardar, Manmohan Singh and very recently, Karnataka's very own Yeddy.

So what is with the shoe show? There are several theories. Let me put forward some of them.

The most obvious theory is one put forward by one of the "social scientists". First Muntazer throws a shoe at George Bush. That becomes a sign of revolt against oppression, and spreads like a good virus (just trying to be nice to the virus with that oxymoron, in the times of the swine!) across the globe creating more Muntazer's out of seeming normal and socially modest people. Well, this is the theory most would agree with.

Would our politicians like that? Are you kidding? Being painted with the same brush as George Bush, no ways!

The Indian Political Analyst and Politician theory would go like this. Each of the political parties would call it sabotage of image (Image, isnt that virtual?) by the opposing party. The only flaw in the "opposing party" theory is that no one really knows the meaning, not even the top brass politicians. Few decades ago there wasnt any opposition, few years ago it was only 2 main parties. But now its like a plethora of options for the Indian electorate. See the effect of capitalism, people have options like never before; the only problem being the options are like going to Big Bazaar during a "sale" - the only items on the sale are not worth it!
Anyway, getting back to the point, the trend of throwing shoes can be included under categories of political rhetoric such as - political vendetta, sabotage, bullshit and more bullshit.

The final theory on the trajectory of the shoe, is something I believe was created from the bowels of the Communist camp. Its simple economics - Supply meets demand. Sales and Marketing. Most people dont see the difference in the two. Marketing is the process of creating the demand and sales is to supply that demand. The communist theory is fairly simple. The whole affair of throwing shoes is actually a corrupt nexus between corporates and goons. They would say that historically corporates and goons are so associated and have got their noses up each others backsides that you dont know where one ends and the other begins! Whats the nexus doing now? In the age of recession, people are not buying shoes. So create a demand by setting up a market for throwing shoes. The next step is to supply that market. And voila, there is the profit. The CEO's of the leather industry are possibly being payed million dollar profits because of our beloved politicians.

After the last theory, I really want to find my old pair of sneakers.

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Portal for Public Grievance

Been bugged by the road between the incessant potholes? Or the road being dug up every alternate week for god alone knows what reason? Or some crappy system at your Regional Transport Office?

Well, there may be some light at the end of the tunnel and this time its not the light of the train that's going to run you over.

There is a new public grievance system portal launched by the Government of India. Access this here. There are several categories under which one can raise a complaint request viz. Railways, Postal system, Petroleum (remember adulteration), Shipping, Civil Aviation, Road Transport and Highways etc.

So the next time you want to crib about crap all around, you don't have to search for a government office to file a complaint that might get lost in the bowels of paperwork. All you need is a net connection, a seat to park your bottom and voila!, you're all ready to crib!

IT penetration in India may be less than 1%, yet this is the start of things to follow in our country. A greater degree of public participation in Government, democracy for real. Could I be more optimistic?

Imagining India

Imagining India, the book I've been reading for over 2 months now and finally complete. It is by far the best read I've had in recent times. I must say, Hats off to Nandan Nilekani for his effort. It is one book that can give you this feeling of severe optimism (if you want to see it), so much so that you might feel a case of overdose (even the severe pessimist). Yet, the finish of the book touches base with reality, and leaves you looking at the enormity of the opportunity that India faces entwined in the greatest challenge, any nation has ever faced hitherto. Nandan has described with great passion the abilities of us as people of this nation. The passion is like a fever that can spread.

This blog is not a raving review of the book. Neither am I competent enough for that, nor are words enough to describe the ideas covered in this book. Yet I write this for various reasons.

Last week, I met a person at a congregation while I was in Mumbai. Both of us, understanding we had quite some time to kill, struck up a conversation. The conversation started off with something related to the congregation and (75% of all impromptu conversation in India end up with politics. Also 65.45% of all statistics are made up on the fly) went on discuss about India, development, chanllenges (problems, its a matter of perception). The person I am referring to was from another southern state and he went on rampage on corruption and how things can never change in India. If not for the fact that I had known this person for only a few minutes, I would have fired him for all his non-belief and negativity (People who know me vaguely well would agree on that).

Let me tell you this story I read on the internet a while back. Hiware Bazar, a small dot on the map of India, 300Km east of Mumbai was virtual desert until a few years ago. This is no longer the case. The village is now green and farming is so profitable that 25% of the villagers are millionares (Ambani's watch out!). The village has a Panchayat system and in the last 25 years has used the government funds towards irrigation, education and healthcare. Micromanagement in other words has transformed the sahara to shangri la. The funda is simple, the local panchayat is strengthened and people are actually involved in decision making. The people here no longer care about who is at the helm, something that the government is taking note of. They wish to replicate the governance in other villages. The reason for change is Popat Rao Pawar, a cricketer who gave up his career and has been leading the turn around. He has become the Tendulkar as far as Hiware Bazar is concerned. Cheers to him!

From Hiware Bazar to Sonagachi, West Bengal. For the benefit of those unfamiliar with Sonagachi is the largest Red Light area in Kolkatta with over 10,000 sex workers. In the communist state, the mantris are missing (I cant help take a swipe at the farcical communists we have). Through an NGO, the sex workers have set up a school and training centre in a small village called Amlasole, home to over 300 tribals. After being driven out of the forests on the pretext of being supply agents of ammunition for the naxalites, the sex workers have literally rescued the village. They contribute over Rs.10,000 every month for this cause.

Next stop, Ayodhya - the land of Ram. Raj Sharan Sharma, a school drop out surfs the net for the latest technological developments in agriculture. From the Jai Shri Ram to click of a mouse, technology has been a great leveller here. Using information from the net, farmers have helped improve their agriculture and hence their profits. With the help of organic manure, hybrid seeds take home income for the farmers has grown from Rs.10,000 to a crore per annum over the last decade. The eight lane highway is being built alongside this village and this surely must lead to prosperity by taking their produce to the market.

Imagining India is about all this and much more, a must read for all. Change happening through innovation and ideas at grassroot levels, technology, passion and above all belief in the future of possibilities. It pains me when I hear all the disbelief around. Worse, the dagger of guilt swivels in my intestine when I read such stories of sacrifice happening all around. Change in India is like a snowball, it takes its time before becoming an avalanche. I do not deny that it will require enormous effort for transformation of India, yet optimism and belief killed no one....

Is it it, or not?

Is it it,or not, that is the question...
I'm not trying get copy Shakespeare, yet the question is inevitable - Is it IT or not?

I'm not sure if these are traits that you pick up at the world of IT or is the general characteristics who have managed to work for what would qualify as a fairly short, yet seemingly long period of time. Some of these are related to IT though....

The one major skill you have acquired is operating on a computer with almost minimal use of the mouse. Your favorite keys are Ctrl, C, X, V, Alt, Tab in that order. The first instinct on having to key in something is to explore whether the info to be keyed already exists some place as if it were waiting karmic-ally to be Ctrl C'd and V'd....

The way of life can be stated as follows - All the "challenges" faced can and should be "resolved" without any "issues" or "escalations".

You have more than one time zone that you operate on. Though you live and operate to Indian timings, you feel like you would be better of being up all night even in the other time zone. Sunrise is something of the past.

Your fingers seem brittle from all the typing. Writing with a pen seems like a session of torture, almost a futile effort. When you look at your handwriting, you feel its is so illegible that you could pass for a doctor. The next step would be to find some random names of medicines and find a chemist who can decode your script. I can see the effect of IT, I talk of reading illegible handwriting as decoding of a script.

The phrase "No issues" has become a way of showing acceptance of a thought or an idea. I noticed this when a friend of mine told he had "no issues" in meeting up at a certain location. I wonder if I instinctively react the same way.

Social Networking. The New world order. You have to be a member on one or more of these sites such as orkut, facebook, twitter, tagged and the list seems so endless that i find it futile putting in more. Now, you might ask as to how this qualify for the effect of IT. There is almost a sure shot to find out if the person is in IT or not. Have a look at the sections known as "About me" or "Testimonials". If you find something like what's shown below in italics, you've hit IT on bullseye.

Error Description: Too Many Parameters, Space is too Short to write a testimonial......

//The Back Up Testimonial Starts.......


#include "fundu"
#include "logical"
#include "intelligence"
#include "goodfriend"
#include "DUMB"

void main(void)
{

double intelligence;
double lovable;
double pretty;
double friendly;

for(int i=birth;i<=death;i++)
{

love = all people rag care about;
friendly = all people rag know well;
intelligence = during special tests;

}

/* u r a bright, cheerful and intelligent, notorious... most lovable ...who loves to laugh. */


}

//The BackUp Testimonial Ends...

Note how the testimonial has even an error handling section. Anyone who's done some coding would know what I'm referring to. Note the declaration of variables, optimum number of comments etc (God, its killing me!). You even find the bit of "code" indented. I doubt if the people would have given this much care to detail in their actual piece of code.

All this leads me to only one thing.

Is it it,or not, that is the question...

Ole! The 7 signs of aging

I love plagiarism, the title says it doesn't it? Well, if you don't see it then you haven't been following advertisements enough!

The 7 classic signs of aging...

1. You meet a friend. The conversation starts off like this... "Hey, wassup? How's work?"
I'm guessing that "wassup" is the modern equivalent of the Anglo Saxon "How do you do". The most appropriate response to "How do you do" is "How do you do" itself. I feel that people who use the word "wassup" as a greeting should get accustomed to receiving that as the reply.
Either that or stop using it!

2. Alternately, all your thoughts can be mapped (directly or indirectly) to 2 of the universe's most-asked questions - "What am I doing in my life?", and "What am I going to do?". An amazing insight into our myopic view in the infinite universe...

3. If you have the habit of writing a daily diary and you happen to go through the "dear diary" moments. That by itself is a sign.

4. You see those moments passing before your eyes as if it were eons ago that you had read them to even recall them. The worst is when you feel like you were back in school in History class!

5. Its at least once in a month, when the weekend is dedicated to "cleaning" or at least the thought sways into your mind. I love loops, loopholes. The effect of writing the ocassional piece of code at work is seen here, perhaps. These bouts of cleaning lead you to finding the diary. Loop to point 3 and 4, just dont form an infinite loop!

6. You listen to a song, a not-so-recent song. You remember the year that song released. You remember almost dreamily all the people around you when you listened to that song back then. You try to imagine how different you looked back then (The Time Machine, where's my time machine....Oh yes, somebody stole mine to answer this question - "If the universe were to start over from scratch, and all the conditions that created life were to happen again, would life spring up?").

7. This last one came up just as I had my lunch. Every third topic you discuss over lunch involves crazy bosses or politics. This one's like the last nail on the coffin. I recall about (No, I don't want to put in a number here) years ago, I hated it when the elders at home would want to watch a redundant, cyclic (alliteration?) news programme and would not want me to watch the cartoon. I cant recall how many years it has been since I watched cartoons...(Thank god for sports channels).

Last week, I was watching over my 6 year old nephew and his friend. The friend came up to me asking me to resolve the little situation they had there. He addressed me as uncle. I can't deny that I was a bit taken aback by that. My nephew immediately came to my rescue or I thought. He corrected his friend, saying, "he's anna not uncle! Uncle is only after marriage!!!".

Well indeed, even if Einstien's theory of relativity were to be false or proved wrong, I see all the time, that time is relative....

Let's just print some more money!

The US is facing the worst ever economic crisis since the Great Depression in 1929. The sub primes, bankruptcy, people losing their jobs etc leads to one term - credit crunch. Well, if there's no money, then why can't they just print some?

I looked up on the internet as to why this can/cannot be done. To put it in a nutshell, the answer I got was "It might work, but the cure would be far worse than the disease. If you create more currency without raising the value of the whatever backs that currency, the value of the currency drops. That’s called inflation — you'll need more and more dollars to buy the same loaf of bread."

Currency, apparently is just a piece of paper (Tell that to the guy who does not have it). This paper is a representation of something. That something is the value backing this currency, which is the strength of the economy of that country, GDP or the reserves of gold, silver etc. Now, if the paper were to be just printed without actually increasing the value of what it represents, then the value of the paper would decrease.

Lets take a simple example. Lets say I have 200 grams of chocolate cake (Its my blog and I love chocolate cake!). I have 2 coupons to share this cake. Then the value of each coupon is 100 grams. If I photocopy the coupons each 49 times, I now have a 100 coupons. Thus making the effective value of one coupon just 2 grams. This should put the more dollars per loaf of bread in perspective.

Well, the verdict, I don't think its worth just printing.

The Railway Sandwich

The sandwich is the railway they say mighty fine,
They give you bread and stale cheese, almost every other time...

That's just an improvisation of a song I learned at school which went something like
The shoe shop in the army, they say mighty fine,
You ask for number seven, they give you number nine...

Well, this one is not a piece on the catering in the Indian Railways. Personally, I think they are awesome and they make the best Masala Dosa's after MTR. The coffee though has enough room for improvement. In any case kudos to Railway catering, you guys are awesome!

But, I seem to have a problem when it comes to the actual train itself. In my very first blog, or virgin blog if I may say so, I had done a bit on the railways and how chaotic and insane travel can be. Well, I guess it happens to me, only to create an opportunity to be amazed at how crazy the railways could be despite being one of the many wonders.

Taking Murphy's laws into consideration, I booked for a train that leaves for Chennai at close to midnight from Bangalore, to buy me enough time to reach the station in time. But its Murphy's law and I managed to get off work early, get a bus in time to station and ended up reaching the station an hour prior to scheduled arrival of the train, let alone departure.

Laloo and his group of people in the Railway ministry have done an awesome job in the last few years to make the Indian Railways a spectacle. With all due respect to their past innovations, one of their more recent innovations, I feel, went overboard.

What's the innovation? Voila! Its a side middle berth. In a hasty move to generate revenue, the Indian Railways implemented this. The person who gets the lower middle berth has to sit on the larger side of the coach segment. In other words, the side that previously accommodated 3 persons, would now accommodate 4.

Its an idea. But it has certain flaws. Firstly, the berth seating 4 was originally designed to seat 3 person. I haven't taken into account the size of the persons, still it is horribly uncomfortable. Secondly, the persons sitting in the "four seat-er" pay just as much (In some cases more,if booked in tatkal; Don't get me started on that) as the persons sitting as 3 persons in the 3 seat-er. Unfair? Mr. Yadav, If you plan such crappy innovations, see to it that there's going to be differential pricing for these seats.

Next, the ridiculously insane side middle berth - The Railway Sandwich. It completely reminds me of an open coffin. I never thought I'd see the day when I had a chance to be in one and know how it feels. Open it out and you will realize that you either need to be an acrobat or an amoeba to fit in.

But, thankfully, this "innovation" by the Railways has been done away with it because of I cannot guess why. If ever there was a fine line between between cost cutting and being outright cheap, this move certainly erased it. The TTR that day on the train should be thanking his stars that the innovation was done away with and he did not have to face the ire of a passenger who booked in tatkal paying extra only to get the Railway Sandwich, which thankfully he did not.

The Corporate bored-game!

Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars? What about those long and boring conference calls? Here's a way to change all of that.

1. Before (or during) your next meeting, seminar, or conference call, prepare yourself by drawing a square. I find that 5" x 5" is a good
size. Divide the card into columns - five across and five down. That will give you 25 one-inch blocks.

2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block:
* synergy
* strategic fit
* core competences
* best practice
* bottom line
* revisit
* expeditious
* to tell you the truth (or "the truth is")
* 24/7
* out of the loop
* benchmark
* value-added
* proactive
* win-win
* think outside the box
* fast track
* result-driven
* empower (or empowerment)
* knowledge base
* at the end of the day
* touch base
* mindset
* client focus(ed)
* paradigm
* game plan
* leverage

3. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.

4. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout "BULLSHIT!"

Testimonials from satisfied "Bullshit Bingo" players:
"I had been in the meeting for only five minutes when I won." - Adam, Atlanta

"The speaker was stunned as eight of us screamed 'BULLSHIT!' for the third time in two hours." - Anonymous

The mother of all trials

I feel weak, violated and not in the nice way. I went through what I would call a "Test of Endurance" and I don't feel one bit elated that I came through, because I know that this is probably that first of many to be endured in the future, unless I get insanely lucky (This sentence will be self explanatory, once you're through the next few paras).

Well, this afternoon, I went on a trek, an expedition, if I may say so, of shopping with uncles, aunts and cousins. I for one, strongly feel that shopping if it is not going to end in an actual purchase, should not last longer than 15 minutes (I'm being very generous). Today, I managed to endure close to four hours of shopping. That would be the total time that I shop for in a year. (Damn, No wonder I felt like I lost a year. Truly, enlightenment can be slow). I truly admire and appreciate the patience of the salesman. One could argue that this may be only because its their duty. Still, its a feat as far as I am concerned.

This afternoon as the women rummaged through the pile of clothes, the three men in the part sat desolated on the small plastic stump, wearing our severely woebegone looks. If not for the fact that our hands were on our chins, we came pretty close to being the three wise monkeys. The rummaging through the pile of salwars continued for what seemed like eons (Time is relative). The rummaging left a complete mess and a mountain of clothes strewn all over the table (The salesman might have lost the will to live, and I was pretty close to that stage). I realized seeing the mess, that there was a similar phenomenon in nature causing a similar sort of effect - a cyclone!

They clothes went through a cycle and every few minutes there would be piece that required our appraisal. Sometimes I thought the same piece was being repeated. I was like being in an iteration trying to find out the largest number among million others in an unsorted array (Oh, stab me now, or it will kill me!!!). I wonder why they keep comparing one piece to the other over and over again, even the rejects. What do they fear? Retribution?

The marathon that began at 2, hit its mundane finality at 7. Its these situations in life that make you think it would be cool to be a cat, I mean, one could use nine lives!

I've heard the statement that goes like, "Shop till you drop dead". I had a doubt as to who the "you" referred to. My worst fears were confirmed today....

Tihnk Deffirently - For now, thats the best I can do

An Excerpt.....

Some time ago I received a call from a colleague. He was about to give a student a zero for his answer to a physics question, while the student claimed a perfect score. The instructor and the student agreed to an impartial arbiter, and I was selected.

I read the examination question:
"SHOW HOW IT IS POSSIBLE TO DETERMINE THE HEIGHT OF A TALL BUILDING WITH THE AID OF A BAROMETER."

The student had answered, "Take the barometer to the top of the building, attach a long rope to it, lower it to the street, and then bring it up, measuring the length of the rope. The length of the rope is the height of the building."

The student really had a strong case for full credit since he had really answered the question completely and correctly! On the other hand, if full credit were given, it could well contribute to a high grade in his physics course and to certify competence in physics, but the answer did not confirm this.

I suggested that the student have another try. I gave the student six minutes to answer the question with the warning that the answer should show some knowledge of physics. At the end of five minutes, he had not written anything. I asked if he wished to give up, but he said he had many answers to this problem; he was just thinking of the best one.

I excused myself for interrupting him and asked him to please go on.

In the next minute, he inked his answer, which read: "Take the barometer to the top of the building and lean over the edge of the roof. Drop the barometer, timing its fall with a stopwatch. Then, using the formula x=0.5*a*t^2, calculate the height of the building."

At this point, I asked my colleague if he would give up. He conceded and gave the student almost full credit.

While leaving my colleague's office, I recalled that the student had said that he had other answers to the problem, so I asked him what they were. "Well," said the student, "there are many ways of getting the height of a tall building with the aid of a barometer.

For example, you could take the barometer out on a sunny day and measure the height of the barometer, the length of its shadow, and the length of the shadow of the building, and by the use of simple proportion, we can determine the height of the building."

"Fine," I said, "and others?"

"Yes," said the student, "there is a very basic measurement method you will like. In this method, you take the barometer and begin to walk up the stairs. As you climb the stairs, you mark off the length of the barometer along the wall. You then count the number of marks, and this will give you the height of the building in barometer units."

"A very direct method."

"Of course. If you want a more sophisticated method, you can tie the barometer to the end of a string, swing it as a pendulum, and determine the value of g at the street level and at the top of the building. From the difference between the two values of g, the height of the building, in principle, can be calculated."

"On this same tact, you could take the barometer to the top of the building, attach a long rope to it, lower it to just above the street, and then swing it as a pendulum. You could then calculate the height of the building by the period of the precession".

"Finally," he concluded, "there are many other ways of solving the problem. Probably the best," he said, "is to take the barometer to the basement and knock on the superintendent's door. When the superintendent answers, you speak to him as follows: "Mr. Superintendent, here is a fine barometer. If you will tell me the height of the building, I will give you this barometer."

At this point, I asked the student if he really did not know the conventional answer to this question. He admitted that he did, but said that he was fed up with high school and college instructors trying to teach him how to think.

The student was Neils Bohr (quantum theory & physics & mechanics, hydrogen atom guru etc) and the arbiter Rutherford.

THINK DIFFERENT!!!!

Jurassic Park Revisited

On the 3 rd of September, I blogged on being in the Jurassic Park...
In case you need to refresh what the Jurassic Park was about, don't use F5, the link works...


"Did you study in NPS?". The question that posed before emanated from a friend of my aunt. Although, at times I do feel like running away from the question in denial, I cant deny that having been educated at National Public School has its benefits. It leaves those who didn't manage to get it fervently admiring your achievement. I think the only achievement I've had at that place was to survive the whole ordeal.

Anyways, the purpose of writing this piece was not to criticize the school and its ways because at the end of it all, I know its done me more good than bad. So bless 'em all!

Getting back to the question posed, I acknowledged my education with a nod. The reason the lady had asked me this was to know if it would be "good" to enroll her child there for the Montessary. Well, almost unwillingly, but because of the truth and not wanting to let the place down, I accepted and propagated the ultimate truth (which was kinda bitter) that NPS was indeed a place for the finest education that one can expect.

The dinosaur was whipping its tail, yet again as the ground shook and the skies were filled with the dust from all the thrashing. People asking me if the school was good! God, I felt old. The worst part was getting an apparent jealous statement that my kids wouldnt have a problem getting in. What was this woman thinking!! I'm close to 25, not in a serious relationship and she talks of kids! Gawd the tail took a swipe at me....

This too wasnt the shocker. Next came the discussion of the syllabus at the montessary level. Oh yes, this is my favorite topic for tea time conversations (In case you missed out, thats sarcasm staring you in the face!). Guess my electrical engineering degree helped me sustain the shocks one after the other considering I had a couple of nasty shocks(real ones, in the sense, they are more physical than these) in the labs.

Well, this ones going to be a shocker. Apparently, they started exploring basics of geometry in montessary. By "basics" I am not referring to the idea of a triangle having three sides. I am referring to the pythogoras theorem. Oh yes, really. And if the kid gets that, good for the kid. They even attempt square roots. What in the name of satan are they doing? Manufacturing 5 year old Newtons??

At this point for the first time, I was happy to be in Jurassic Park. I was happy to have been born earlier, for having had what can now be concluded as "sane" years in schooling, a "normal" life...The dinosaur's even smiling now...Thats the silver lining in the cloud of dust...