Friday

The Corporate bored-game!


Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars? What about those long and boring conference calls? Here's a way to change all of that.

1. Before (or during) your next meeting, seminar, or conference call, prepare yourself by drawing a square. I find that 5" x 5" is a good
size. Divide the card into columns - five across and five down. That will give you 25 one-inch blocks.

2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block:
* synergy
* strategic fit
* core competences
* best practice
* bottom line
* revisit
* expeditious
* to tell you the truth (or "the truth is")
* 24/7
* out of the loop
* benchmark
* value-added
* proactive
* win-win
* think outside the box
* fast track
* result-driven
* empower (or empowerment)
* knowledge base
* at the end of the day
* touch base
* mindset
* client focus(ed)
* paradigm
* game plan
* leverage

3. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.

4. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout "BULLSHIT!"

Testimonials from satisfied "Bullshit Bingo" players:
"I had been in the meeting for only five minutes when I won." - Adam, Atlanta

"The speaker was stunned as eight of us screamed 'BULLSHIT!' for the third time in two hours." - Anonymous

Sunday

The mother of all trials

I feel weak, violated and not in the nice way. I went through what I would call a "Test of Endurance" and I don't feel one bit elated that I came through, because I know that this is probably that first of many to be endured in the future, unless I get insanely lucky (This sentence will be self explanatory, once you're through the next few paras).

Well, this afternoon, I went on a trek, an expedition, if I may say so, of shopping with uncles, aunts and cousins. I for one, strongly feel that shopping if it is not going to end in an actual purchase, should not last longer than 15 minutes (I'm being very generous). Today, I managed to endure close to four hours of shopping. That would be the total time that I shop for in a year. (Damn, No wonder I felt like I lost a year. Truly, enlightenment can be slow). I truly admire and appreciate the patience of the salesman. One could argue that this may be only because its their duty. Still, its a feat as far as I am concerned.

This afternoon as the women rummaged through the pile of clothes, the three men in the part sat desolated on the small plastic stump, wearing our severely woebegone looks. If not for the fact that our hands were on our chins, we came pretty close to being the three wise monkeys. The rummaging through the pile of salwars continued for what seemed like eons (Time is relative). The rummaging left a complete mess and a mountain of clothes strewn all over the table (The salesman might have lost the will to live, and I was pretty close to that stage). I realized seeing the mess, that there was a similar phenomenon in nature causing a similar sort of effect - a cyclone!

They clothes went through a cycle and every few minutes there would be piece that required our appraisal. Sometimes I thought the same piece was being repeated. I was like being in an iteration trying to find out the largest number among million others in an unsorted array (Oh, stab me now, or it will kill me!!!). I wonder why they keep comparing one piece to the other over and over again, even the rejects. What do they fear? Retribution?

The marathon that began at 2, hit its mundane finality at 7. Its these situations in life that make you think it would be cool to be a cat, I mean, one could use nine lives!

I've heard the statement that goes like, "Shop till you drop dead". I had a doubt as to who the "you" referred to. My worst fears were confirmed today....

Saturday

Tihnk Deffirently - For now, thats the best I can do

An Excerpt.....

Some time ago I received a call from a colleague. He was about to give a student a zero for his answer to a physics question, while the student claimed a perfect score. The instructor and the student agreed to an impartial arbiter, and I was selected.

I read the examination question:

"SHOW HOW IT IS POSSIBLE TO DETERMINE THE HEIGHT OF A TALL BUILDING WITH THE AID OF A BAROMETER."

The student had answered, "Take the barometer to the top of the building, attach a long rope to it, lower it to the street, and then bring it up, measuring the length of the rope. The length of the rope is the height of the building."

The student really had a strong case for full credit since he had really answered the question completely and correctly! On the other hand, if full credit were given, it could well contribute to a high grade in his physics course and to certify competence in physics, but the answer did not confirm this.


I suggested that the student have another try. I gave the student six minutes to answer the question with the warning that the answer should show some knowledge of physics. At the end of five minutes, he had not written anything. I asked if he wished to give up, but he said he had many answers to this problem; he was just thinking of the best one.


I excused myself for interrupting him and asked him to please go on.


In the next minute, he inked his answer, which read: "Take the barometer to the top of the building and lean over the edge of the roof. Drop the barometer, timing its fall with a stopwatch. Then, using the formula x=0.5*a*t^2, calculate the height of the building."


At this point, I asked my colleague if he would give up. He conceded and gave the student almost full credit.


While leaving my colleague's office, I recalled that the student had said that he had other answers to the problem, so I asked him what they were. "Well," said the student, "there are many ways of getting the height of a tall building with the aid of a barometer.


For example, you could take the barometer out on a sunny day and measure the height of the barometer, the length of its shadow, and the length of the shadow of the building, and by the use of simple proportion, we can determine the height of the building."


"Fine," I said, "and others?"


"Yes," said the student, "there is a very basic measurement method you will like. In this method, you take the barometer and begin to walk up the stairs. As you climb the stairs, you mark off the length of the barometer along the wall. You then count the number of marks, and this will give you the height of the building in barometer units."


"A very direct method."


"Of course. If you want a more sophisticated method, you can tie the barometer to the end of a string, swing it as a pendulum, and determine the value of g at the street level and at the top of the building. From the difference between the two values of g, the height of the building, in principle, can be calculated."


"On this same tact, you could take the barometer to the top of the building, attach a long rope to it, lower it to just above the street, and then swing it as a pendulum. You could then calculate the height of the building by the period of the precession".


"Finally," he concluded, "there are many other ways of solving the problem. Probably the best," he said, "is to take the barometer to the basement and knock on the superintendent's door. When the superintendent answers, you speak to him as follows: "Mr. Superintendent, here is a fine barometer. If you will tell me the height of the building, I will give you this barometer."


At this point, I asked the student if he really did not know the conventional answer to this question. He admitted that he did, but said that he was fed up with high school and college instructors trying to teach him how to think.


The student was Neils Bohr (quantum theory & physics & mechanics, hydrogen atom guru etc) and the arbiter Rutherford.


THINK DIFFERENT!!!!

Tuesday

Jurassic Park Revisited

On the 3 rd of September, I blogged on being in the Jurassic Park...
In case you need to refresh what the Jurassic Park was about, don't use F5, the link works...


"Did you study in NPS?". The question that posed before emanated from a friend of my aunt. Although, at times I do feel like running away from the question in denial, I cant deny that having been educated at National Public School has its benefits. It leaves those who didn't manage to get it fervently admiring your achievement. I think the only achievement I've had at that place was to survive the whole ordeal.

Anyways, the purpose of writing this piece was not to criticize the school and its ways because at the end of it all, I know its done me more good than bad. So bless 'em all!

Getting back to the question posed, I acknowledged my education with a nod. The reason the lady had asked me this was to know if it would be "good" to enroll her child there for the Montessary. Well, almost unwillingly, but because of the truth and not wanting to let the place down, I accepted and propagated the ultimate truth (which was kinda bitter) that NPS was indeed a place for the finest education that one can expect.

The dinosaur was whipping its tail, yet again as the ground shook and the skies were filled with the dust from all the thrashing. People asking me if the school was good! God, I felt old. The worst part was getting an apparent jealous statement that my kids wouldnt have a problem getting in. What was this woman thinking!! I'm close to 25, not in a serious relationship and she talks of kids! Gawd the tail took a swipe at me....

This too wasnt the shocker. Next came the discussion of the syllabus at the montessary level. Oh yes, this is my favorite topic for tea time conversations (In case you missed out, thats sarcasm staring you in the face!). Guess my electrical engineering degree helped me sustain the shocks one after the other considering I had a couple of nasty shocks(real ones, in the sense, they are more physical than these) in the labs.

Well, this ones going to be a shocker. Apparently, they started exploring basics of geometry in montessary. By "basics" I am not referring to the idea of a triangle having three sides. I am referring to the pythogoras theorem. Oh yes, really. And if the kid gets that, good for the kid. They even attempt square roots. What in the name of satan are they doing? Manufacturing 5 year old Newtons??

At this point for the first time, I was happy to be in Jurassic Park. I was happy to have been born earlier, for having had what can now be concluded as "sane" years in schooling, a "normal" life...The dinosaur's even smiling now...Thats the silver lining in the cloud of dust...