Sunday

Kantha-saw-me

The title of this post has a double intent - one, the more obvious meaning implying that I watched the movie Kanthasamy and secondly that I literally felt a chain saw on me as I sat through the movie. I generally would not try explaining stuff i write, but this for the benefit of those incapable of reading between lines.

Let me try to list 5 good reasons as to why you SHOULD watch this movie.
1. You and your girl/boy friend are heading for a break-up. Watch this movie together and the break up wont seem all that bad.

2. Suppose you are extremely happy with the way your life is headed, you have no regrets, no sorrows, so much so that you are a non believer of Murphy's laws; then you need to watch this movie to remind you that life is not all happiness, but a some sorrow as well.

3. If you are a pitiful fool, at the end of your rope and need that last jerk to take you off this mundane lifeform, watch this, it might just do that.

4. Shriya, please see that this is the 4th reason.

5. I cannot try another reason, it isnt worth even free tickets, hence the reason why Shriya was bumped up to level 4 from 5.


The irony of watching the movie is the hype before the release. This has probably been the most "talked of" movie in Tamil cinema since Sivaji and Dasavatharam. Some claimed it as the mix of Sivaji and Anniyan (both being films by Shankar). If there was one thing in common between Sivaji and Anniyan, it was a storyline and a plot mixed with some masala for the masses. But Kanthasamy is different from the other two movies in the fact that it has no plot. You spend your time in the movie trying to figure what the plot is, if any. At the end of one half, most people are completely dejected and few steps away from insanity.

A few stupidly optimistic people look at a twist in the tale post interval. But you can wait for all you want and you will fail to find the faintest trace of anything remotely close to a storyline. With all due respect to the idea of flying across water with the aid of mechanical leash, what did you think that the leash is invisible?

Ok, so no story line. A lot of movies have been awesome despite that. This too might have been had it not been so ridiculous. You have a story every 15 minutes and may sit in the belief that they all culminate in a super plot. No! They culminate in statistics of black money (deja vu, Sivaji) making it seem like a documentary.

The other reason apart from the great story line that was the reason for the success of Sivaji, Anniyan etc was the music. Here, the music is what truly kills the movie. Apart from the amoebic story line, the music and additional cast is a pain in the wrong part of the anatomy. The movie might probably have been bearable if not for the music and obscene timing of songs.

This movie is like ordering a plate of biryani and hundred different varities of raita to go with. You end up enjoying neither and an overdose of both. If I had to give this movie a star rating, I'd give it one star and an egg.

Reality bytes

I have emerged from hibernation, with a topic of truly "epic" proportions to literally "crap" upon. I'm not sure how much more crap one can add to this colossal masterpiece better known to television viewers as "Rakhi ki Swayamvar". Finally, a reason to truly understand why on earth the television was termed as the "Idiot box", whoever termed it was either a great visionary of freaking Nostardamus.

The hype has been on for a few months. This morning as I looked at the newspaper, behold, I saw a nauseating image of an advertisement for the "Final countdown". Well, I decided that I would attempt to sit through the final show in order to atleast do this piece. So at around 2200 hrs, Sunday, the 2nd day of August, 2009 (just to give a dramatic effect to the line, you see, viewers never have a problem with the dramatization even when the anchor, kept repeating "Waqt aa gaya hai" or "Poora Hindustan dekh raha hai" a gazillion times) I switched on the television to commercials punctuated with crap.

The show began with what I believe was a routine of each of the bakra's "dancing" out with their respective families (hence forth the finalists are referred to as "bakra/one of the bakras - generalization as I dont know their names and dont consider it worthwhile finding out either) to various tunes that have been savoured at weddings. I wonder which among these classified the degree(s) of stupidity each of the bakras and their relations must have felt among - "stupid", "really, stupid", "why do even ask?", "fuh-get it" while doing the routine live on so called national television.

The reason for referring to the "bakras" is that I had a theory that the entire show would culminate in someone of the class of Cyrus Broacha running out shouting "BAKRAAAAA". Unfortunately, I was denied the joy of witnessing that; but that wasnt entirely true. Why though? Well, over 20,000 bakras "applied"; they had a "procedure" to choose participants, and thousands of fools (including me, well it may have been for the purpose of penning this down, yet I too succumbed) watched the show, much like George Bernard Shaw's rendition on cricket.

At the end of it all, I have to admire Rakhi Sawant, whether it is for sheer brilliance in tapping the bakra market of its value or her brashness, uncoothness and 'come what may, I will crap on you' attitude.