Thursday

The Signs!

Disclaimer: All signs are matter of opinion and are subject to change with time. Time is continous and hence if the signs change by the time I publish, get a time space continuum, go back to that time when they were valid and ruminate. Any resemblence to real life "characters" is purely "coincidental".


There are certain tell-tale signs when you can sense that management is in trouble. What I've tried here is listing the symptoms.

1. The incessant art of meeting: This is the most cruel form of torture for any person who is actually not involved in full proportion in so called management activities - Meetings. Well, for employees who have regular tasks, filling a weekly time sheet is not at all a big deal, they would always find enough activities to make up slotted time. But a manager, has to fill hours on a weekly basis towards management activities. Hence meetings are used as filler activities to fill time sheets. When a project is in trouble though, you can sense a sudden change in the air. Meetings are now not limited to team leads. Approximately one in every five meetings would involve the entire team. The mood of the manager would be quite sober (as if he/she were at the funeral) and all addressing would begin with general terms like team or guys etc.

2. SWAT it!: SWAT or Swift Action Teams evolved from the army and the post world war II era along with the whole concept of Quality Management, Operations Research etc. SWAT's are basically small teams that consist of highly skilled persons capable of completing tasks faster than a normal person. Ideally, in a project of 100 persons, a SWAT unit would be 5-10 persons.
When a project is trouble, the first step that management takes is to create such a SWAT unit and the primary functionality would be to undo all the wrongs done earlier. When such a team is initiated, you know, trouble's brewing somewhere...

3. Managers and the art of Disaster Management: Quite recently, an MNC changed a HR policy to promotions to a management role. For an employee to be promoted to a management role in a particular functionality, he/she should have spent at least 6 years in a enabling role in that functionality. (Being generic is a right pain in the wrong part of the anatomy, would be simpler to just quote names!). Well, one of the explanations for this move could be this. Disaster Management - the art of management creating a disaster and then implementing SWAT teams to revert the disaster they created. Had the manager had the experience, the probability of creating a disaster would be lesser, hence the HR hedged against disaster. Good move, some might say.
When a project is in trouble, management goes mum on ideas. Ideas are open to the floor. They actually begin analyzing pro's and con's rather than just use the easier approach of one size fits all. Like they say, every silver lining has a cloud. Analysis of pro's and con's can be a problem when the floor is open to ideas - Too many ideas.

4. Discussions that go awn and awn: Once the first three signs have come forth, the next stage starts - discussions, on anything and everything that could, would or should be done. These are generally done on a one-on-one basis or with the SWAT unit as a whole. There will be moments when the SWAT team would rather shoot themselves that SWAT!
Whats the reason behind these relentless discussions. The funda is simple. When your shivering out of fear, if you are under water, the shivering would not be seen. One of the primary skills of management is oration, good or bad. Hence the fear when there's trouble is masked using relentless speech. Also, ever heard this. If alphabets A-Z were given values 1-26, then HARDWORK adds up to 98, ATTITUDE to 100. But above all else, BULLSHIT adds up to 103. The golden rule..

5. Rock - Management - Hard Place: This phase, for the benefit of those who didnt get it, is between a rock and a hard place. This phase is when, management has to take a call to push things forward or accept defeat. The one's with a fairly excessive amount of self belief push for results and the losers give up. The thing about these two options is that, its always a Win it all or Lose it all situation. The truly brilliant managers take the mid path, somewhere between pushing for it and giving up. At an individual level, they've pretty much given up (the next sign is on how to identify that) but at a team level, they will push it all. That way, they know the eventuality, but they manage to stretch it as much as they can using the unwilling souls of the employees. Its genius, sheer genius.

6. Enter Neanderthal Man: Once the middle path has been chosen, based on whether there is a possibility of consensus to continue an agreement, the project either chugs on or coughs to slow inevitable halt. When there is no consensus possible, but management decides to stretch the engagement for as long as possible, that is when Neanderthal man comes in. Managers walk with a droop, there hands flailing around as if independent of the ball and socket joint. They wear smiles but its fake, they laugh, but its actually a howl that hurts. Yet, the carry the project with such a panache that few would understand the underlying turmoil.

When all the signs have manifested, its only a matter of time before the curtains fall or the sun sets...